Getting children into bed at the end of a busy day is no easy feat. We are exhausted. They are exhausted. The final few hours can feel incredibly hard.
I remember when we just had one child. I found that developing a routine and sticking to it was tricky. I wasn’t good at it. By late afternoon, our toddler was tired. I wish I had brought the bedtime routine earlier. It would have reduced the tantrums and increased my sanity. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Now that we have three, I have had to be more organised. I have had to find a routine that worked. Like most things in parenting, it changes as our children grow. It will continue to change.
Right now though, this bedtime routine is working for us. Brilliantly.
When I mention to people that our three young children are in bed, in the same room, and lights out by 6:15 every night, we often get the same response.
How do you get children into bed before 6:30 pm?
They want to know the answers. Know that we are far from perfect. We are works in progress. Some nights it is later than this. Sometimes they wake up.
Honestly though, changing our bedtime routine has been a game-changer for us.
When our third baby was born, my then two-year-old stopped napping in the day. He still needed to. He was desperately tired and cranky come mid-afternoon. He simply wouldn’t nap unless I lay next to him. I couldn’t figure out how to get a newborn and toddler to sleep at the same time or stop one from waking up the other. I eventually gave up and just focused on my baby getting the sleep that he needed.
I needed a solution to get through the long afternoons without going insane, and to help my toddler cope. I had to bring bedtime forward. Initially, this was just going to be a short term thing. Something to help until he adjusted to the longer days. It ended up working so well that I decided to make it our new thing.
Like many other young children, my boys wake up early. Regardless of what time they go to bed, they almost always wake at 6 am. I figured that if I could somehow bring bedtime earlier and shorten the dreaded witching hours, we’d all be happier.
With our new bedtime at 6:15, this is what I did before then to make it work.
1. Screen time after lunch (12:30)
This time of day I find tricky. Everyone is tired. It gives me a chance to tidy up lunch and grab some of my own, feed baby and put him down for his nap, and ideally prep dinner (and put a load of washing on the line). My toddler and then preschooler watched their favourite shows. This kept them quiet while bubs slept, and enabled me to get a few things done. By having screen time out the way earlier, they had enough play time after this to wear them out before bedtime
2. Outside play (2-4)
Both in the morning and after rest time, I aim to get my boys outside. Fresh air, vitamin D and endorphins all help to make us happier and healthier. My children fight less outside and love exploring. They use their imagination and creativity. I can focus on them rather than the dishes and the jobs. Being outside makes them hungry and tired. I love the 1000 Hours Outside movement and ideally aim for 3-5 hours every day. We spend lots of time going for adventures in the creek, hiking and simply play in our yard together.
3. Bath (3-4:30)
When my first baby was born, I knew that routine was important. Every book I read or person I spoke to told me to do bathtime after dinner. It cleans them up after a messy dinner and helps calm them before bed. I understood this, logically, but found it difficult in practice. I used to wait until my husband got home from work so we could have dinner as a family.
He got home late though so it was hard to juggle a late dinner and squeeze in a bath. One day a kind friend shared that she did this in reverse. She gave her boy a bath in the afternoon, then dinner, then bed. I was so surprised. I’d never thought to try this! I gave it a go that night and I’ve never looked back.
I love this approach because it gives flexibility in the afternoon. If my boys are extra tired or fighting more than usual, I might give them a bath at 3pm (later now I have school pick up). I can give them a bath individually, in a pair or all three.
I can do a quick one if we’re in a rush or stretch it out to over half an hour. It breaks up the afternoon and it’s no longer a task that I have to fit in. Once they are out the bath, they have an urgency to play until it’s dinner time, and know that the countdown is on. They seem to make the most of this bonus play, giving me a chance to do a quick tidy up or last minute dinner prep.
4. Dinner (5-5:30pm)
I generally give my kids dinner by myself while hubby is driving home from work. It’s not easy but I see it as the final push of the day. When I had a newborn, I would be trying to get the older two food while often breastfeeding. It was ridiculously hard and I felt like I needed another set of hands.
Now with my boys 5,3,1 at the time of writing, it is still very busy and chaotic but we make it work. They eat dinner and drink milk, dessert on weekends. They know that once they have left the table they need to go straight into the bedroom (otherwise they won’t want to stop playing!).
5. Teeth and stories in bedroom (5:30-6:15)
Ideally we would brush teeth in the bathroom but we just make it easy for ourselves at the moment. Brushing teeth with a timer on, and often ‘Daddy dentist’ helps for this (boys take turns to lie down on his lap so he can inspect their teeth and help to brush them).
While hubby does this, I spend fifteen minutes racing around like a crazy person clearing the table, putting things back in the fridge stacking the dishwasher, wiping table, cleaning the highchair and sweeping the floor. We both hate having to face the kitchen later on so I really try to work hard to get this finished or almost finished in this time. I join hubby in their bedroom to put nappies on the younger two and remind the eldest about pull ups. Then for the next half an hour or so, we read as many books as we can together.
One of us often climbs into a bed with a child, the other sits on the floor with one while bubs crawls over the top of us. There are two single beds (that can turn into bunks) and a cot mattress that we put on the floor.
The boys won’t always share but right now it works for us. At 6:15 (or 6:30 at the latest) we put the books away, tuck them into their respective beds, turn out the lights and put on the white noise sound machine ($40 from Big W). We have a snuggle and talk about the best part of their day. We say prayers and give them a kiss.
I still feed our youngest to sleep and then sneak out of the room. They love being in the same room and we think the company helps them to stay asleep. One of them will often pull their pillow and quilt onto the floor to lie next to our one year old. It’s pretty cute.
Bringing their bedtime forward was meant to be a short term thing. Something to help our 2 year old cope with the long afternoons. The crazy thing is it’s worked so well. Even over summer with daylight savings, not once did our older boys question why we were going to bed while the sun was still up. They just know that they go into the bedroom after dinner. They know that lights out is at 6:15.
We can’t believe it ourselves; how easily it’s worked for us. How it’s been a game changer for our family and our sanity.
Once they are in bed and asleep, we use the time to get things done. We
- finish packing up the kitchen if needed
- vacuum and / or mop
- pack up the toys
- organise paperwork or bills
- prepare lunches for next day
- hang washing off the line or put it away
- miscellaneous jobs that need doing
We try to get the jobs done so we can have dinner as a couple, every night. It feels like a mini date night and we love how quiet it is. By then the house is clean and tidy, so other than putting the plates in the dishwasher, there is not much to do afterwards.
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One of us might go for a run, we’ll read or have a bath, sit on my massage chair, work on my side hustle or watch a show together. Evenings always go too quickly but because we work hard to get the boys in bed early, we have more time than most. It allows us to get a few things done, spend time together and fill our tanks before facing another big day tomorrow. We are more rested and happier for it.
This won’t work for everyone. For those who both work or work long hours, it will be too tricky. For those with older children, they need to stay up later. For those with lots of extracurricular activities after school, they will get home too late. But for us in our season, with our boys 5 and under, it works. Brilliantly.
I’m so grateful for my friend who encouraged me to try something different with our routine. I’m not sure I would have thought of it myself. It’s made my afternoons more manageable, the evening routine shorter, the boys less grumpy. I am less worn down. It works for us, and it might just work for you too.
I’d love to connect with you over on Instagram or Facebook. Come and say hi!
Melanie Wegener
P.S. Edit to say that now my boys are seven, five and three, our bedtime routine is a little later. We still put them to bed early but it is not by 6:15 anymore. If our toddler doesn’t nap, he might go down at 6:30, otherwise, it is 7 pm for him. For our five-year-old it’s between 7-7:15. For our seven-year-old it’s between 7:30 and 8. They are early risers so an early bedtime works for us.
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