**Trigger Warning: This article contains content about domestic violence.**
Jayde’s escape from domestic violence is simply chilling. She was one of the lucky ones. One of the women who got away.
The statistics are shocking: one woman every week is murdered by their current or former partner in Australia. Domestic homicide makes the headlines far too often.
Something needs to change. This is not okay.
Jayde thought she had met the love of her life but she couldn’t have been further from the truth. Here is her story.
Tell us a little about yourself:
My name is Jayde Hanna and I’m a relationship therapist. I live in Adelaide and I have a wonderful partner who I’ve been with for 8 years now. We have a beautiful daughter together who is about to turn three and a cavoodle and a Rottie x dog as well.
In 2015 I got into a horribly abusive relationship with my now ex-partner and I nearly lost my life because of it. Since then, I’ve dived into everything I could possibly learn about the mind, relationships and how to help people fall into and stay in healthy love.
How did you meet your ex?
We lived in a small town in Western Australia. Because the town is so small everyone knows everyone. We went to a local event that was held yearly and we started talking. I knew I liked him instantly. We started dating shortly after.
Looking back, were there any warning signs?
Absolutely. I wish I had known then what I know today because there were more red flags than a carnival full of warning signs. The love bombing happened early. I have a really clear memory of only dating for a few weeks before he went for a trip to Perth and came back with a brand new $1000 watch for me.
He would love-bomb me with gifts, words, acts of service… and then he would go cold on me. I would be left wondering what I did wrong. I would have to fight for his attention and to make amends so he would treat me better.
He would also put me down in front of his friends and other people and claim it was a joke. He would make “jokes” about choking me and he would then make me feel like I had imagined it all.
I also learnt early on in our relationship (within the first 3 months) that the last two women he was in a relationship with had left the town after they broke up and he never had anything nice to say about them.
When did things start to go downhill?
It was up and down from the moment it started. The first time I remember thinking surely this isn’t normal is when we were out for lunch and he made a crude sexual joke about me in front of his friends. He bragged that he could get it whenever he wanted it and I was like his own personal whore.
I remember walking home from the lunch in tears. He drove to my house later, drunk, kidnapped my dog and told me he would only give him back if I agreed to stay with him and apologise to him for embarrassing him in front of his friends and family. That was also the first time he left bruises on me.
How did this affect you?
My self worth plummeted. I stopped seeing my friends and family as much. I wouldn’t go out to social gatherings. My attendance at work was up and down (but not noticeable enough to attract attention).
I started to believe I deserved what was happening to me. I lost a lot of weight – which he told me was a good thing – and I felt restricted with everywhere I went and everyone I talked to.
Did those around you know what was happening?
My family knew and the man I was dating before him. They all tried to help me but I was stubborn and believed I was the problem – that’s kind of how it works. They convince you that you’re the problem so when other people try to help you you think they’re wrong.
Can you tell me what happened that fateful night?
I won’t go into all the details (because it’s honestly terrifying and you’d be reading this for days) but I will insert a trigger warning here before I continue.
I’m going to mention guns and domestic violence and other things that may be upsetting. I’d love to share my story with you however if this isn’t the right time for you, please skip past it.
He had called me to pick him up from a friend’s house because he had been drinking. When I pulled up I honked the horn and I remember the first words he said to me were, “Don’t honk the f**king horn at me.”
I remember this sinking feeling in my stomach like I knew I had made a mistake by going to pick him up.
I drove him back to our house and he said, “Give me the keys, Jayde. I have to let you into my house since there’s an unsecured gun on my bench.”
I remember him grabbing my wrist and taking the keys from me. I remember thinking, “Get in, get your clothes and get out of here.”
He was already standing at the bench. His .300 camouflage painted gun sitting on the grey bench top. He picked it up, pointing it at the floor and holding the base of it against his shirt.
He pulled the bolt back revealing a golden bullet already loaded into the chamber. He pushed it forward and pulled the bolt down. Locked. Loaded. Ready to go.
I remember him saying, “Go on Jayde, get your stuff.”
I said, “Don’t be silly. Put the gun back on the bench. I’ll be gone in a minute.”
His response was, “Do you know how many times guns accidentally go off? Do you know how many times people are just sitting at home, cleaning their guns and a shot is accidentally fired…”
I remember telling him to “piss off” and I walked into the bathroom. I was going to grab my make-up and as much stuff as I could so that I could get out of there.
He followed me into the bathroom and yelled at me. He told me I was going to sit there and listen to him. I remember the cold tiles of the bath against my back as he pointed the gun at me and dragged it up my body and held it against my head. I remember crying. A lot.
He told me I could leave the bathroom and he followed me around the house with the gun. Talking to me and telling me I couldn’t leave. He had my phone and my keys and I had no way to escape. I remember him slamming my head against the wardrobe at one stage and getting dizzy.
I remember lots and lots of screaming at me. I remember the barrel of the gun against my head and him telling me he was going to shoot me… I remember the relief of hearing a car pull up in the driveway and his dad knocking on the door.
Thankfully, his dad came inside, saw me crying and assumed we had an argument. He got his son to calm down and I fell asleep on the bed, absolutely exhausted from everything that had happened.
I didn’t get to escape until a few weeks later…
How did you eventually escape?
He went to Perth for work – just an overnight trip. I remember kissing him goodbye that morning and when I got home from work that night I remember calling my sister and her ex-partner and saying “Now. Come get me now.”
They were there in minutes. We packed as much of my stuff into my car and theirs and I left everything else. I lost a lot of furniture and sentimental belongings by leaving him but it was absolutely worth it.
I honestly don’t think I ever would’ve survived that whole experience if it wasn’t for my sister, her ex partner and my ex partner. They saved me.
Did you report him?
No. This is probably my biggest regret. I wish I had reported him and had his firearms removed but I also wasn’t strong enough to do that at the time. I felt very emotionally and mentally weakened from the whole experience and the trauma cycle took a long while to stop afterwards.
Did you ever hear from him?
Yes. When I returned home he rang me to ask me for advice on his new girlfriend (his now wife) which was the woman he had cheated on me with.
When did you feel safe again?
There was definitely a feeling of safety the day my mum (who flew up from Adelaide to help me) and I drove out of that town. I also felt safe when my ex partner (the one before my abusive ex) stayed with me. To be honest I don’t think I will ever be able to thank him enough for helping me.
It took me a long time to feel mentally and emotionally safe. I invested in years of personal development, therapy and counselling. It wasn’t until I studied NLP with Evolve and Relaunch that I felt 100% safe in my own mind again because that really helped me remember and re-find who I was.
What is your life like now?
Now I have a great partner who continuously works on our relationship with me. I have a beautiful daughter which is something I never thought I would get to have. I own my own home.
When I left I had only what I could fit into my RAV4 and now I have a whole new life! I have a sense of certainty and clarity within myself. I have unshakeable faith in who I am.
Probably the best thing for me is that I get to spend every day helping people be in love, learning how to communicate, helping challenge them and helping them grow so that they can have a healthy and exciting love that lasts.
You sound incredibly strong and brave. What other words would you use to describe yourself?
Lucky – lucky to be surrounded by so many incredible people who would do anything to help me.
Driven – to make a difference in other peoples lives and not let my past define me.
Honest – I call a spade a spade.
Worthy – I only accept in my life things that bring me joy or excite me because I am worthy of that.
Loved – by others but most importantly by myself.
What advice would you give to anyone who is experiencing domestic violence?
If something doesn’t feel right trust your gut.
There is ALWAYS someone who can help you – friends, family, organisations, the police.
This is not your fault – no one deserves to be in an unsafe relationship – whether that’s emotional, physical, mental or spiritual.
How can people learn more about your story and support you?
You can follow me on Instagram (that’s the best place!). If you would like to reach out to me please do! I’m always up for a chat.
You can find out more at www.jaydehanna.com
Award Nomination
In exciting news, Jayde has been nominated for the 2024 ‘I Did It Anyway Awards.’ She has been nominated for the Domestic Violence Survivor Award.
This is an initiative of the Business Mum’s Hub. You can follow along on their social media or check out their website. Winners will be announced at an awards night at The Playford Hotel on November 16.
Where To Seek Help
If you are experiencing domestic violence or worried about someone that you know, please seek help.
Call the Police if you are in immediate danger, Ph: 000.
If you are in danger and aren’t able to speak on the phone, you can simply stay on the line and still receive help. If you have an Apple Phone, you can press the side buttons simultaneously to alert for help.
Police Assistance Line is helpful if you are unsure what to do, Ph: 131 444 (South Australia) or visit their website.
1800 Respect is a 24-hour national sexual assault, family and domestic violence counselling line for any Australian who has experienced or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault. Ph: 1800 737 732, SMS Text 0458 737 732, chat online or visit their website. If you are concerned about someone you know, you can ask their advice on what to do.
White Ribbon seeks to end all violence and abuse from men. You can visit their website.
Lifeline if you need to talk to someone, any time, any day. Ph: 13 11 14, text 0477 131 114 or visit their website.
Beyond Blue provides information and support to help everyone in Australia achieve their best possible mental health, whatever their age and wherever they live. Ph: 1300 224 636 or visit their website.
No To Violence offers free counselling. Ph: 1300 766 491 visit their website.
MensLine Australia supports men and boys who are dealing with family and relationship difficulties. 24/7 telephone and online support. Ph: 1300 789 978 or visit their website.
Men’s Referral Service offers assistance, information and counselling to help men who use family or domestic violence. Ph: 1300 766 491 or visit their website.
Financial Counselling Australia provides access to free resources and advice from a private financial counsellor. Ph: 1800 007 007 to speak to someone in your state or visit their website.
Next Steps
We are so grateful for Jayde’s bravery in sharing her story. We hope it will help some women out there to know that you are not alone.
You deserve better. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be safe.
If Jayde’s story has stirred up something for you or you think you might be experiencing domestic violence, please seek help. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
Melanie Wegener
P.S. Do you have a story to share? Contact us for the chance to be featured!
